Decorating the tree, rediscovering all the favorite ornaments Lighting the candles for Hanukkah: Night Five Sitting in the living room and reading our favorite quotes (this, various and wonderful excepts about gratitude) and singing carols Dad reading selections from A Child’s Christmas In Wales Small throw-away presents around the dinner table Traditional casserole and blue-cheese...
I barely got away before I burst out laughing
Me: Hey, do you mind if I fix the menorah?
Me: The candle-bulbs are lit wrong. It should go right to left. Here.
Doorman: Wow, thanks man! My bosses would have crucified me if they saw that!
I was gonna do that thing where I just quote the...
but “My legal name is Alexander Perchov” doesn’t even come close.
tonight, on the 2 train
Me: Goddamn commuting. At least I'm on the express.
Inner Me, approx. 6 years old: But omigosh we're in the front car! Go stand at the front and look out the window!
Me: Oh please. Everyone will look at me funny.
Inner Me: But it will be like we're DRIVING the SUBWAY!
Inner Me: And also FLYING! While UNDERGROUND!
Me: ...Yeah ok I guess this is the best thing ever.
Inner Me: Yup. Told ya.
Over the teeth, and through the gums, look out, tummy: here it comes!– The little rhyme I’ve been saying for nearing on two decades - and, especially, every night this past week - before taking cough syrup.
I was going to try to be clever with the... →
WHO MURDERED THE QUEEN?, or, my Spelling homework...
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! There was a scream in the next room, I rushed there, but it was too late, There was the queen, lying dead on the floor, with a knife through her neck. She has been murdered. I knew. Here’s how: she couldn’t speak, and there was a soft creak as the window was closed by the murderer. There were only two suspects. The butler and the maid/. They were the only two people...